


It's Just Life

by cadkitten



Category: LUNA SEA, S.K.I.N. (Japanese band), X JAPAN
Genre: Angst, Asexuality, Confessions, Confusion, Demisexuality, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Romance, Viagra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 12:16:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4179534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yoshiki struggles with his sexuality in a relationship with his long-time friend, short-time boyfriend. He takes the whole thing at crash-course speeds just to find what's around the bend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Just Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nanaberu](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=nanaberu).



> Requested Yoshiki being asexual. - I think it turned out more Demisexual in the end... and for what it's worth, I'm sorry if the representation is not direct or as accurate as it could be. I can't personally relate to the feelings and did my best while still driving the plot wherever it was recklessly careening to.  
> Beta Readers: sakura_ame  
> Song[s]: Various by MONO

Yoshiki stood flipping pancakes in the kitchen, humming softly to himself. It was the first Wednesday of the month and that meant a myriad of things. Foremost, it meant the electric bill would be arriving in the mail and he'd need to pay it. Beyond that, it meant that Sugizo would be returning to LA to stay with him for two weeks. A smile slid over his lips at the thought. Glancing at the clock, he realized he should be here relatively soon... hopefully soon enough he wouldn't have wasted the pancake batter and end up with cold remnants of breakfast for him.

He deposited the golden brown lopsided disk onto the plate he'd put out for just such a reason and poured more batter into the skillet. Three more pancakes and he turned off the oven, shoving all the dishes into the sink to be dealt with later, and washed his hands. He took the plate to the dining room and set it among the other pieces of breakfast already there - syrup, jam, butter pats, apple juice, and turkey bacon. 

Wiping his hands on his pants, he straightened his shirt and studied himself in the mirrored surface of the wall just behind the table. He thought he looked okay in the soft white cotton shirt he'd chosen for today and his pants were the ones Sugizo had once made a comment about liking, so it seemed like a good choice as well. His expression changed slowly in the mirror from pleased to a little strained and he reached down, patting his pocket and then sliding his hand in to feel the little half of a blue pill he'd placed there earlier.

Shifting uncomfortably, he let go of the tiny baggy with the pill and smoothed his hands over his pants again. Absently, he just continued to stand there, drifting through his thoughts and memories. 

_Two months ago... how happy Sugizo had seemed to see him. He'd come in the door all smiles and hugs and full of all the love and affection another human could ever want. It was something that had made Yoshiki want to be involved with him since the very start. His energy and his grace, the delicate way he could treat things and the very hands-on way he treated others._

_Things had gone amazingly for almost an hour, the pair of them on the couch in the living room, leaning into one another and catching up on the past few months. All the things that didn't get said on the phone. But then it had all taken a turn for the worst._

Yoshiki shuddered at the memory and moved to one of the chairs, pulling it out and settling down heavily upon it, his chin in his hand as he stared absently at the table cloth.

_Words thrown back and forth that both had regretted the moment they'd been voiced and misunderstandings from near-literal hell. And all of it simply because things had gone further than Yoshiki had been comfortable with. But now that he'd had all the time in the world to reflect on it... he had no idea how Sugizo could have been expected to know where his boundaries were. He'd never said anything and he'd surely never told him how he felt about sex._

_The rest of the week-long visit had been strained. Sugizo on edge and avoiding touching him nearly at all. They'd not slept in the same bed a single night even though they usually did. And it all culminated in Yoshiki feeling unwanted and horribly selfish for not letting nature take its course._

Of course, they'd talked about it a little bit. Said their apologies and then waved the magic wand of distance to make the awkwardness disappear. But now that Sugizo was coming out here again, it left Yoshiki in a strange spot. He'd read as much as he dared on the subject of what to do, not wanting to give himself away if someone was watching him a little too closely at any point. Opinions varied on what to do with a partner that wanted the sort of contact that he didn't and he'd finally chosen his path, though it was one he was more than a little scared to try now that the opening was so close at hand.

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and centered himself. Opening them, he stood up and started to fish his phone out of his pocket when the doorbell rang. He checked himself again in the mirror, wiping away the concerned and utterly confused look on his face, and then headed for the door. Upon opening it, he found a very brightly smiling Sugizo on the other side and the other man's obvious good mood slid over him as well, bringing a grin right along with it as he let him in.

He took one bag from Sugizo and leaned in to give him a one-armed hug that the other very briefly returned before they started off down the hallway. Without hesitation, Yoshiki took Sugizo's bag directly into his own room, carefully setting it up on the stand next to his own dresser and then turning to face the other. For an instant, he could see the confusion on his partner's face, though it was gone the moment Sugizo became aware he was being looked at, a warm look growing in its place. 

His other bag was left at the foot of the bed and Yoshiki drew him down the hall to the dining area, even holding out his chair for him and helping him push it back in once he was seated. Once they'd settled to eat, Sugizo finally spoke. "So how's life been out here?"

Yoshiki's eyes met Sugizo's and he hesitated for a moment before murmuring, "Interesting, but probably not nearly as much as your own has been recently, touring and all."

Waving it off, Sugizo just smiled at him. "Work can stay at work as far as I'm concerned for at least today. Management's being a bitch, like usual." He shrugged and cut off a hunk of pancakes, shoveling them into his mouth a moment later. 

Conversation continued for a while, somewhat more strained and undirected than it usually was. And by the time they had arrived in the living room, things had become downright awkward again. Yoshiki settled on the couch next to Sugizo, leaning lightly against the other. But, for his part, Sugizo was very consciously not relaxing in the least. His hands remained clasped in his lap and his usual sprawling ease of sitting places was nowhere to be found. Rather, he was sitting very still and nearly ramrod straight. 

Sighing, Yoshiki shifted again, lightly tugging at Sugizo's arm to try to get him to put it around him. He liked this part and he always had... and not getting it was making him feel left out and upset, though he wasn't at all prepared to voice that. 

Finally, Sugizo gave in, letting his hands separate and putting his arm up on the back of the couch, just letting Yoshiki rest against him, though he didn't even warmly touch him back. Instead, when the drummer looked over at him, he found Sugizo's eyes closed, a furrow deep between his brows as if he were arguing with himself and it wasn't going very well for the moment.

Yoshiki's heart beat faster. He didn't want to have to talk about this, didn't want to have to outright admit the things he'd tried to avoid saying... and he certainly didn't want to end up in a discussion about one of the most uncomfortable topics on the planet. Instead, he moved forward and grasped his water glass from the coffee table, pulling it closer and then stuffing his hand in his pocket to pull out the little pill. He wasn't going to hide that he was taking medication from the other. He could make his own deductions on what it was if he wanted to later.

Dumping the half a pill out, he tossed it in his mouth and laid the baggy on the table before swallowing it down with water. Sitting back, he did his best to curl up against Sugizo's awkwardly stiff form, resting one hand on the other man's thigh as he waited out however long this was going to take to kick in. He'd been told it could be anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour before he'd be prepared, though he hoped it would be on the smaller side of the wait time.

For a while, he just dozed, nodding off and then letting himself nap until he finally awoke to the most uncomfortable feeling in his pants. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been hard at all, much less this incredibly, agonizingly stiff. Everything was adjusted all wrong to not hurt and he found himself shifting his hips several times before he finally just outright stood up and yanked at his pants to move them around. Tossing all caution aside, he just went for what he had decided he was going to do. 

Settling astride Sugizo's lap, he grasped the other's shoulders and then leaned in to kiss him. At first there was no response at all, but as he persisted, Sugizo finally started to kiss him back, the tender lips he remembered so fondly playing over his own in the most tentative of fashions. They didn't stop kissing until he felt another twinge of discomfort from down below and realized he had no idea how long he'd be able to maintain this. He could get more of the things he liked later if only he just solved this problem and provided Sugizo with what he wanted first. 

Pushing his hands down Sugizo's chest, he leaned closer and began to desperately seek out what he was supposed to be doing to help this ache. Vaguely, he remembered some twenty or so years ago and the one and only time he'd ever had sex. Some girl in the back of a club after a live wherein he'd somehow obtained a miraculous erection. He remembered sweat and anxiety, the feeling of her body around him as he invaded it and how it had all felt so achingly wrong. He'd cum quickly and with some regret, he had realized a long time later that he hadn't done anything for her at all. 

Tossing the memory away, he tried to focus on his youth and how he'd explored himself the way he'd thought all boys were supposed to. Some things had felt good, but others he'd had no interest in. He liked having his nipples touched, but hated it the moment he'd tried touching his cock. The sensation had been all wrong and made him squirm away from his own hands. Even when he'd achieved his first few orgasms that way, it had just been an event that he sort of wanted to forget. And so, he'd just avoided it altogether for years, letting his body do what it needed to all on its own, usually when he was asleep, just so that he wasn’t the one dealing with it. 

And after he'd hit the age of thirty, he rarely got any reactions out of his body like that. Life had become much simpler without the problems of it... until Sugizo. Until he'd found himself romantically interested in this warm and affectionate man, who... still wasn't touching him at all.

Bowing his head to hide his frustration, he slid his hand down between them and grasped the other's obviously hardened cock, rubbing at the bulge through his jeans until he felt a hand gently encircle his wrist and start pulling his hand away. 

"You don't have to do this," Sugizo's voice was quiet, the emotion in it raw. It was the voice of a man struggling with both himself and the situation. "Please don't...."

Yoshiki let his hand be moved away and he sat there, one hand grasped in Sugizo's own, the other holding him up against his chest. Looking down his own body, he found the sight of his own bulge nearly revulsive. But it was painful and the discomfort of it very, very real. Twisting his hips a little, he whispered, "Please... I'm in pain."

Sugizo reached to gently cup his face, letting go of his hand in the process and just studying him for a minute, confusion and hurt written over the lines of his face. "Why are you in pain? Talk to me."

Taking one of Sugizo's hands, Yoshiki pushed it down between them, wincing at it touched his hardened length. Discomfort surged and he immediately felt like scrambling away from the touch, though he forced himself to sit still and bare it. The instant he let go of the other's hand though, it was gone from his body, back to resting on the sofa beside Sugizo's thigh.

Realization seemed to creep across Sugizo's face and he let out a mournful little sound. "What did you take earlier?"

A slight shrug was the only answer Yoshiki gave as he stared at the other's chest, as if hoping it would somehow help solve this matter.

"No... don't shrug off this question. Tell me what you took. It's important to know."

Lifting his head, he glowered up at Sugizo. "How is it important exactly?"

The words obviously stung because the other winced and turned his head away. "Because I fucking care about you and here we are doing this dance of an argument again. I'm doing my best to avoid a mishap like last time and you end up in my lap after having taken something. Just... talk to me, okay?"

"Viagra. I asked the doctor to prescribe it to me, so I'm not taking some illegal pill or something if that's what you think." Yoshiki crossed his arms over his chest and then ended up shifting around a bit more, nearly angry frustration coursing through him as his body forced an impossible amount more of arousal into his system. He was so hard he could barely stay still and it was starting to panic him. 

With a sigh, Sugizo grasped Yoshiki's hips and managed to get him to stand up. He followed him upright and then pointed. "Bedroom."

Surprise slid through Yoshiki at the other's proclamation of where they were going, nodding as he hastily made his way down the hallway. He had his shirt off before Sugizo ever rounded the corner and was well into getting his pants off by the time Sugizo closed the door behind them. He heard his dresser drawer open and then looked at the bed when something was tossed on it. A pair of his sweat pants lay draped over the bed. 

"Take everything off and put those on instead. It's going to be a hell of a long afternoon if you don't." Sugizo removed his belt, but nothing else, just easing himself onto the bed to sit next to the headboard, one leg raised and the other flat on the bed. 

As Yoshiki changed, he noticed Sugizo refused to even look in his direction, staring instead at some invisible thread he was picking off of his pants. He could still see the other's arousal tenting out his pants though. Instead of just lying on the bed, he straddled Sugizo's thigh and leaned forward toward him, attempting to kiss him again.

Turning his head away, Sugizo patted the bed next to him. "Lay down." Once Yoshiki had moved to do as he was told, Sugizo rubbed a hand over his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose harshly "I know you don't want to talk about any of this, I've gotten that message loud and clear. But the thing is... I _have_ to have some information here. I can't just keep walking around blindly and be expected to understand what on earth is even happening right now." He dropped his hand and looked over toward Yoshiki. "You went to the doctor and got cock pills... but I'm at a complete loss as to why. I mean... I know I fucked up last time. I pushed too far and I regret that like the dickens, but now you're... like this... and I have no idea what to make of it other than the fact that I have this horrible sinking feeling that it's only for me and if I'm right, that hurts so bad...." he trailed off, going back to staring at the wall opposite them. "First you don't want sex and we get in a fight in which I'm nearly certain I was the only one in the wrong... and now you want it, but it took a pill to make it happen. Are you... um..." he winced, not wanting to say it, "do you have uh... staying problems? Is that it?"

Yoshiki blinked at him and then pushed himself upright, moving until he could look at the other's face. "You're worse about talking about this than I am."

"Thanks... love the observation. Not helping with the issue though." Sugizo let out a frustrated sound and pursed his lips hard. 

"I guess you're half right. I just don't get... aroused. Maybe sometimes at night when I'm asleep, my body does. But I don't. It's happened a few times during waking hours, but it was just generally unpleasant for me."

Holding up his hand, Sugizo finally met his eyes, studying him as the gears seemed to turn in his head. "You're... mostly asexual then? Demisexual? I'm not too clear on the lines on that... but... is that what's happening?"

"I wouldn't say happening..."

"Wrong word... I mean, if that's how you are, that's fine. I'm not going to hold anything against you, that would be ridiculous. But it's sort of something I need to know. Lines... boundaries... I need to know what I'm doing so I don't cross them." He looked slightly upset for a moment and then horrified. "And why the hell did you take Viagra?!"

"For you, asshole," Yoshiki spit out, grumpily. His cock was throbbing hard between his legs and he was angry, but in need of something he couldn’t quite grasp. He wriggled around again and then grabbed his pants to rearrange them again, finally just holding them out in the front and avoiding looking downward at all. "I took it so you could have sex."

Disbelief slid over Sugizo's face and he shook his head. "So _I_ could? You do realize it's not supposed to be about only me, right? Sex is supposed to be about affection and arousal and mutual pleasure... and in some cases, love and tenderness. At the very very least, it supposed to be about mutual gratification. I don't have any interest at all in using you while you lay there more uncomfortable than you've ever been in your whole life. I will not use you like a damn doll if that's what you were thinking would happen."

Another emotion came quick on the heels of the last, sadness rolling over Yoshiki like an ocean wave. "I didn't mean to make you think like that. I just wanted to give you what it was that I denied you and made you upset with. I didn't want this to happen anymore. I don't like fighting with you and I don't like this." He shook his head a little harder than necessary. "I hate it. I hate feeling like this. I want you to hold me and hug me and kiss me like before and I like some things, you just have to give me a chance!"

Astounded, Sugizo sat there, his mouth open slightly before he took in a large breath and held it for a moment. Blowing it back out, he calmed himself down enough to move finally. He put his leg down and moved a bit closer on the bed. "Come here. Just... sit, don't move around." Once Yoshiki was straddling him, he gathered him into his arms and sighed in relief as Yoshiki curled up against his chest and clung to him. "Is that better?" he asked after a few minutes.

Yoshiki nodded a little and then turned his head to speak. "I hurt... it aches so bad."

Sugizo was quiet for a moment before responding. "What would you like to do about it? I mean honestly, not what random thing you cooked up to let me have a go." He wasn't angry anymore, his words just matter-of-fact, if a little sad.

"Will you believe me if I tell you?"

"Yes."

He pulled back enough to look Sugizo in the eyes. "Maybe I was looking at it all the wrong way, but I don't think either of us understands the other completely... at least not right now. We'll work on it... but I did what I did because I care about you. I wanted this sort of thing back and I didn't want you to spend another week here without so much as staying in my bed at night. And I know other people are not like me." He reached to draw his hand down Sugizo's chest. "But I want to please you. Even if it's only this once, I've already taken the pill and my body is seeking the relief from what I did. My mind wants to make you happy..."

"I just don't feel right using you. It's wrong to force myself and my desires on you." Sugizo lightly touched his own chest and winced. "The idea of forcing you to have sex with me makes me anxious."

"Listen to me... listen to the words, not your interpretation of them. I'm not an idiot. I knew what I was doing before I did it and I know what I'm asking for now. I want you to have me, this one time in every way. And along the way... maybe we can find some things I do like on some level that we can keep and use in the future. Like... like this." Yoshiki moved a little bit and took one of Sugizo's hands, bringing it up to his chest and pressing it against his nipple. "Pull it a little," he implored, a little flush entering his cheeks as Sugizo did as he was asked. He pushed himself closer to the other's hand. "I like that... I've always liked that. It's why I was responding to you last time. But... I don't like my penis touched. It makes me uncomfortable... even when I do it."

Sugizo watched him for a moment as he toyed with his nipple, finally accepting that he was genuinely getting pleasure from what was happening. "Okay... I need limits. No touching your dick... what else?"

"I want you to touch it... just this one time... I want to see if it's any different when you do it. But normally, please don't do that. I like my hips touched and that's all I really know. But we can find out more, right? And then see if you can deal with what I can... and maybe... it'll be okay."

Sugizo gently cupped his cheek and gave him a small, sad smile. "It'll be okay even if you can't deal with any of it, alright? Sex isn't some horrible deal-breaker for me. I just... I needed to know rather than stumbling blindly into a situation that scared the shit out of me."

"Okay." Yoshiki shifted back, looking down at his pants that he was still holding out with one hand in the front. "Can I just take these off and let you... explore?" At Sugizo's nod, he removed himself from the other's lap and took his pants off. Sliding back up on the bed, he reached and lightly tugged on the other's pants. "Get undressed... you have a nice ass and I like to see it."

Standing up, Sugizo shucked his clothing and then returned to the bed, lying on his side facing Yoshiki, his cock thick and hard, jutting out from his body even now. "Can I voice my own frustrations in this?"

"Of course..."

"I hate that I'm still hard right now. It makes me feel like an insensitive asshole." Sugizo shifted closer, his hand gently coming to rest on Yoshiki's hip as he attempted to move closer but not press his naked form against the other's own.

"You're human... a sexual human with desires and wants and needs. There's no shame in that. And just because it won't go away at your beck and call doesn't make it a traitor, so don't even think it."

Sugizo managed a little chuckle and then leaned in to kiss the other. They kissed lazily for a while, only stopping once Sugizo finally got the nerve to migrate. His kisses shifted down Yoshiki's jaw and then lower, across his collarbone as he played one thumb lazily over his lover's nipple. 

Yoshiki pushed up toward the touch, his cock straining with the excitement of his nipples being touched. This part was nice... very nice. And when Sugizo's mouth shifted over his nipple and his tongue dragged across the hard peak of it, he actually shoved his hand into the other's hair and pushed him closer, gasping. Between his legs, his cock throbbed, flexing and straining away from his body so hard that it quivered slightly. 

Sugizo moved over him, hovering there as he began to tease the other nipple with his fingers, pinching and rolling the nub as he sucked hard at the one in his mouth. 

A sharp, nearly scared cry, left Yoshiki's mouth and then his hips were mindlessly bucking, his cock growing impossibly harder. All it took was Sugizo's free hand sliding down his chest to his hip and he could feel the warmth building up inside of him. This was different... not at all the terror of everything else he'd ever done. Panting, he choked out, "Oh gods, please..."

Sugizo's fingers moved over his hip and came to rest at the base of his penis, lightly massaging there until Yoshiki was panting so hard he was sure he'd black out from hyperventilation. Sugizo delivered a small bite to his nipple at the same time that he allowed one finger to ghost lightly over the very head of his lover's prick. A second later, liquid splashed out over his hand and Yoshiki cried out beneath him, going rigid and then starting to squirm all over the bed, a tangle of moving limbs as he clawed at the mattress and shoved his heels in hard, jerking his hips and rolling his head. 

Sugizo took a moment to pull back and watch him, just letting him ride the orgasm until he was finished. Slowly, he became aware of the English words Yoshiki kept panting out over and over, muttering, "Too much... too much... too much," again and again.

He lightly placed his hand on the other's solar plexus and pushed a little. "Stop moving around... you're making it last that way. Just be still and let yourself relax." Once he'd followed most of his advice, he reached for a tissue and held it up. "I'm going to clean you up. Is it okay if I touch everywhere there's cum?"

Yoshiki nodded, closing his eyes and just waiting as Sugizo delicately cleaned him up. When it came time to clean up his still-swollen length and the area beneath it, Sugizo gingerly took it in between two fingers, lifting and wiping under it first and then just the places he had to on it. As he moved to let go, Yoshiki's hand came to press over his own, forcing him to encircle his length with his fingers. He started a jerky movement and just turned his face away, a slightly pained expression painting it. "Need to... it's... please. Fast."

"You're sure...?" Sugizo kept hold of him, though not as hard as the other had had him clamp on to start with. At the nod, he murmured, "If I use my mouth, it might end faster for you. Do you want to try?" Another nod and he dipped his head, working up spit and then taking him in nearly all the way on the first go, just holding the base as he moved over him.

There was barely any response from Yoshiki other than his cock stiffening back to complete hardness once he got really going on him. All the warning he got before the other started to spurt in his mouth was a soft huff of breath and Yoshiki's hand tightening on the blanket under them. He swallowed his cum and then sat up, wiping his mouth and moving up beside of him, watching him worriedly as he pushed his hair back from his face. "Are you okay?"

Yoshiki nodded a little and then reached for him, pulling him flush up against him. "I think it's... fading." He moved one leg up over Sugizo's hip and pressed his face against his lover's shoulder. "Now you..."

"I'll be fine." Sugizo kissed the top of his head lightly and just held him a little closer. "It'll go away."

Yoshiki felt his heart clench violently in his chest and he pulled back to stare at the other. "No. I didn't take this for my health. I wanted... I wanted you to find pleasure in me. And, if we're blunt, I wanted to be able to be normal for a while with you so you could get what you wanted from this. I'm not going to let this happen without your orgasm, too."

"You _are_ normal." Sugizo reached to hold his cheek again. "Stop telling yourself otherwise. There are different versions of normal, we're not cookie cutter people, here." He shook his head a little. "I don't want to just use you to get off, I told you that."

"Stop being a stubborn horse's ass about this. I'll be as clear as I can be. I want you to find your pleasure in me because I want to find something I can like that we can do to make us closer. There's nothing in the world to say I can't be utterly uninterested in my own sexual gratification and yet enjoy providing you with yours. We'll make all the rules later... when I haven't already fucked up by taking some stupid pill and when you're not a stoved-up toad. We'll talk about what I liked and what I never want to do again. But right now, I want to learn those lines and I can't if you won't. So goddamn it, I want you to have sex with me. Every way you can think of, anywhere you want to put your penis, do it."

"Can I have two rules then?"

"Yes." Yoshiki relaxed since it seemed like the other was at least considering him now. 

"One... don't ever call it my penis again when we're uh... engaged in anything beyond casual conversation. I don't know why it bothers me other than it makes me think of a doctor's office. And two... if you're uncomfortable with something, I need to know immediately. And I _will_ stop whatever it is. If that's not a rule, I'm not doing this."

Yoshiki nodded. "I think we can manage those things." He wet his lips and then looked down at the other's length. "Can I touch you? That wasn't too bad, earlier."

Sugizo shifted and then settled, patting the bed behind himself. "Sit behind me and reach around and do it. You look so freaked out when you look down and see it... it uh... well..."

"Isn't good for making you want to cum?"

"Yeah. That." Sugizo accepted the other's arms around him and he watched as Yoshiki's hand snaked around to grasp his cock, slowly starting a curious exploration of him. It wasn't anything that built him up toward orgasm, but it was pleasant enough in and of itself, the experience of someone who probably had only touched themselves for washing purposes for years touching him for completely other reasons. When they finally got going, he found himself eagerly pushing up into the other's moving hand, watching as the hand shifted over his rigid flesh, pulling his foreskin back and then pushing it up over the head again and again. Excitement took hold of him and he thought for sure he was going blow his load just like this. 

But just as he felt his balls tightening, Yoshiki let him go and moved from behind him, leaving him panting and frustrated, just on the tip of orgasm. He reached for himself to finish it off before he could really be stopped, but a hand brushed his out of the way and he looked up to find the other gazing at him. "I can do that... I like the way you press back against me, it makes me feel warm and happy. He offered a small smile. "So if you're hard and want to... I want to do that for you in the future. Please?"

Sugizo did his best to concentrate on him and then nodded. "Okay. About um... any time is good for that." He wiped a hand down his face and then swallowed. "If I'm hard and you want to... go ahead. I won't stop you."

"You'll have to initiate most of the time. I promise you I'll forget because I don't think about those things like you do. Just put my hand on your... uh..."

"Dick."

"Yeah, and I'll do it for you." Yoshiki's face lit up and he gave another curious glance down at Sugizo's penis. "Do it for yourself for a minute?"

Grabbing hold of himself, he spread his legs a bit and leaned back on one hand. He started to go after himself slowly, his hand twisting up and down his length as he let his head fall back. His stomach muscles quivered and he pushed his hips up a little, moaning as he started the short ramp back up to his orgasm. Within a minute he was ready to bust, spreading his legs even more and straining as he started jacking himself off quicker, unwilling to back down now that he was going to cum.

Yoshiki shifted forward, waiting until he was sure Sugizo was about to lose it and then slid his mouth over the head of his length. His lover cried out sharply and the next second, cum shot into his mouth, some of it going straight down the back of his throat, the other part landing across his tongue and even more shooting across the bed as he pulled back to just taste what he had of it. Sugizo's hand moved quicker and he fell over onto his back, grabbing himself with both hands and stroking quick and hard, pushing up into his fists and then shivering as he came a second time, a little spurt or two all that came out this time. 

But as he eased back, panting and looking wholly disoriented, Yoshiki laid down beside him and pushed his hands away, just holding onto him as he rested there, feeling the weight of his cock in his hand. Once he was relaxed and had caught his breath, Yoshiki murmured, "I don't think I'll want to put my mouth on it again... but I like touching it for you. And I really liked what you did to my nipples earlier. That felt nice."

Still dazed, Sugizo just nodded and then quietly asked, "Were you okay with the rubbing through clothing last time we were doing? Or was that too much?"

"That was okay. If you liked that part, we can do it again. It didn't do much for me, but it seemed to excite you, which makes me happy."

Rolling over onto his side, Sugizo pulled Yoshiki against him and just curled their sweaty bodies against one another. "Thank you... I guess both of us being idiots paid off in the end, didn't it?"

"Mistakes make rules... so it's a good thing." Yoshiki pressed his face against the other's shoulder, just breathing in his lover's scent.

"You're really okay with touching me? Like not just kind of... but really really?"

"I liked listening to you getting closer. Your nipples got hard, too... and the look on your face when you were about to was nice."

Huffing out a tiny laugh, Sugizo pulled Yoshiki closer. "You'll... not normally cum, right? I mean, even if I play with your nipples you'll enjoy it, but not... get hard?"

"I might. Just depends on the day."

"Don't take anymore pills, okay? I want you how you are, not medically changed for some perceived benefit of mine."

"I can do that." Yoshiki leaned up to press a kiss to his lips before easing back down against the bed and staring up at the ceiling. "It's still a little hard... it's strange and sort of unpleasant."

"Do you need to again for it to go away?"

Yoshiki shook his head. "Let it be for now... if it's not gone inside an hour, you can help me once more so it'll stop."

Easing himself into a comfortable napping position, Sugizo breathed out, "I should thank you..."

"For fucking up?" Yoshiki let out a quiet laugh. "No... this is just life."


End file.
